


maybe they're seeing something we don't, darling

by phantasizeit



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, dan and phil are dumb and kath is there, none of the sex stuff is explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 03:11:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13673046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasizeit/pseuds/phantasizeit
Summary: When Phil invites Dan to the Lester family Christmas, Kath can only assume that they’ve have finally gotten together. Dan and Phil don’t realize Kath’s misunderstanding until it’s a little too late. But, how hard can it be to fake a relationship between them? (AKA: The fic where Dan and Phil are already dating, but have to be put in a fake relationship situation to realize it. Also, they do fluffy Christmas things with the Lesters.)





	maybe they're seeing something we don't, darling

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is part of the Phandom Secret Valentines event and is a gift to @phansxcorgi on tumblr! I hope you enjoy this fic that quickly got out of hand and is two months too late for Christmas! Happy Valentine's Day, Lilly :)

It’s a few weeks before Christmas when Phil brings it up. Dan is laying in bed, scrolling mindlessly on reddit, while Phil edits their latest Gamingmas video. It’s one of those days where they are actually on schedule for once. Phil’s clicking at a leisurely pace, taking time to zoom in on funny moments and type out sarcastic comments that will appear for one cheeky frame in the video. This time, Dan isn’t at his elbow, watching Phil work or making suggestions. He  _ is  _ ready to take over if Phil needs a break, but is secretly hoping that Phil doesn’t end up needing one. Dan feels really cosy under his fluffy white duvet and doesn’t really want to move yet.

And then suddenly, Phil is asking: “Come up to the Isle of Man with me for Christmas this year?” Dan looks up, slightly startled, if only because Phil had just been completely silent for the better part of an hour. 

Phil is lounging in the office chair, (mismatched) socked feet wound around the chair legs. Noise canceling headphones rest around his neck and his glasses are skewed on his nose. Dan has the urge to correct them, or at least tell Phil to fix them. He refrains. 

“The North?” Dan asks in an exaggerated Northern accent. He considers his options for a moment. It’s no secret that he really doesn’t enjoy going home for the holidays. It’s stressful. It’s become an obligation, rather than something he wants to do. It’s not that he doesn’t love his family to pieces; he just has to be someone else around them. And he’s not well acquainted with that someone else, nor does he want to be. And Dan doesn’t even want to think about the WiFi situation at his parents’ house. Plus, just because he doesn’t spend Christmas with his family, doesn’t mean he can’t visit them afterwards. 

“Yeah, I want to spend Christmas with you this year.” Phil says honestly. It makes Dan’s heart flip a little bit, only because he lives for the moments when Phil reminds him that he’s the one Phil’s chosen to spend all his time with. Dan chews his lip and looks back at Phil, who is now scrolling on his phone, unaware of Dan’s inner monologue. Dan has always been secretly jealous of the fun that Phil seems to have with his family during Christmas. Baking, board games, Christmas feasts, movies, traditions. Phil makes Christmas with the Lesters sound like a slice of paradise. 

“Yeah, sure. I mean if Kath doesn’t mind.” Dan quirks up his eyebrow as if to indicate what a ridiculous statement that is. Phil’s mum, Kath, practically lives to host. She is always asking Phil when Dan is visiting next, it seems.

Phil snorts. “Yeah, right. She asks after you so much, sometimes I wonder if mum loves you more than she loves me.”

Dan’s attention is returning to reddit and Phil’s is back to editing. “It’s because I am a delight.” Phil snorts again and Dan makes a snarky comment about Phil getting those sinus problems checked out. Phil finishes the video, and Dan moves onto editing the next one, because they’ve already filmed it and he is feeling motivated. Things are copacetic, normal.

 

***

 

The Saturday evening before Christmas, Dan and Phil are in a taxi on their way from the airport to Phil’s parents’ house. The taxi pulls onto his parents’ street and, while Phil tries to ignore the exorbitant fare ticking up on the dash, he thinks about how much he misses his childhood home. The one they are heading to, with its quaint stone exterior and front yard garden, isn’t quite the same. The old one held memories in every corner. It only took a single glance at the stairs banister for Phil to remember the time Martyn slipped while running up the stairs and crammed his face into the railing, chipping his tooth. Or the stained kitchen ceiling made Phil think about the time he made a milkshake and forgot to cover the blender, sending ice cream and milk and food coloring (because he wanted to zazz up the drink) careening into the white tiles above the counter. And, of course, his old room made him think of the first YouTube videos he used to film and meeting Dan for the first time. Images of the first pinof dance in his head briefly and he finds himself smiling.

In contrast, the new house just feels like a place his parents live; visiting his parents no longer feels like coming home, but he supposes that’s a product of growing up, too. Phil glances at Dan in the seat next to him, because now he’s thinking about how he quite likes the home that he has made with his best friend. Even though his parents sometimes look at him funny when he tells them he really isn’t interested in dating and moving away from Dan. Dan glances up from his phone and returns Phil’s look with a casual smile, until he too catches sight of the taxi fare and his smile is replaced with grimace and an eye-roll. 

The car pulls in the snow-dusted driveway. “Does this taxi ride come with a bj? It better at that rate.” Dan mutters under his breath and Phil chokes on his inhale. He frantically shushes Dan, but can’t help the giggle that also escapes. 

The taxi driver takes that moment to clear his throat and announce the total cost. Phil can’t tell if the cabbie heard Dan’s comment and is politely ignoring them. Phil hands his card over before Dan can even put a hand on his wallet. “I got it. I’m dragging you up here, after all.”

Dan shrugs. It’s not that big of deal. Lots of the money they make is together, anyway. They even have a shared bank account, besides their individuals ones. It's convenient— and also blurs the line between “Phil’s money” and “Dan’s money.”  

Like always, the front door is unlocked and Phil’s mum, rounding the corner from the kitchen, greets them with a warm smile and equally warm hugs. The house is both immaculate and lived in; things are tidy and arranged just so, but the house is filled with kick-knacks and family photos. Dan recognizes a lot of Phil’s decorating (and memory hoarding) tendencies in Phil’s parents.

Dan watches Phil hug his mum with a contented smile on his face that Dan has to grin at; Phil has always been such a mama’s boy. Dan has never been close to his own mother quite like Phil is, but he can’t even really be sad about it when he sees the two interact. Kath turns around and exclaims, “Daniel! Don’t think you’re escaping without one!” and approaches him with her arms wide open. He drops his luggage to the floor.

Without hesitation, Dan wraps his arms around her shoulders and squeezes lightly. Like most people, she is smaller than him and seems to disappear in his embrace. Somehow, though, her presence is huge in his arms. She smells like baked goods and Christmas spices. “Hey, Kath.” Dan says into the top of her head. 

She extracts herself from his arms and reaches up to squish his cheeks a little. Dan wonders briefly why everyone always wants to squish his cheeks. “Oh you,” she responds fondly. “I am so happy to finally have you here for Christmas.” Kath spins around and points an accusing finger at Phil who immediately responds with his hands up in surrender. “I’m glad you too finally figured yourselves out. Took you bloody long enough.” Dan and Phil share a chuckle. The comment confuses the both of them; if Kath really wanted Dan over for Christmas that much, she should have told Phil. Dan quirks an eyebrow up at Phil, who shrugs. Dan shrugs in return. Kath turns around, bustling back into the kitchen and launching into a story about her desperate attempt to recreate the neighbors’ cranberry walnut bread. 

Together, they follow Kath into the kitchen and sit at the breakfast bar. “So, boys, how are things? Tell me everything; you can’t leave your poor mother in the dark.” Phil moves to argue that he talks to her on Skype almost every week, but thinks better of it.

“Oh, well, same old thing. Dan and I just did a whole boatload of videos leading up to Christmas on the gaming channel.” Kath leans her elbows on the breakfast bar, looking excitedly between the two men across from her.

“...Yeah?” She prompts, smiling widely. Phil furrows his brow slightly at his mum. She’s always been supportive, of course, but this is a little… much.

Phil rubs his finger against the smooth finish of the countertop. “Well, that’s it. Other than getting ready for the tour. He and I have been attached at the hip for the better part of this month. Filming, editing, uploading, meeting with coordinators and managers. ” Phil rattles off their latest responsibilities, becoming more and more glad that they’ll have some time off now.

Dan nods in agreement, “Yeah, if I don’t see you for a month after this, I’ll be happy.” They grin at each other, because they both know that statement is very much untrue. For the eight whatever years they’ve been friends, they have never tired of each other. In fact, being away from the other feels wrong.

“Yeah, right, Danny. You’d be lost without me.” Phil kicks Dan’s leg and Dan rolls his eyes. They turn their attention back to Kath, whose eyes are shining with unshed tears.

Alarmed, Phil reaches his hand out to Kath, “Mum, are you ok?” 

Kath just smiles and picks up a corner of her apron to dab at her eye with. “I’m fine, of course. You two are just so sweet. I’m happy for you both.”

Phil laughs, “thanks, mum. But you don’t gotta cry about it. Nothing’s changed from last time I saw you.” 

In a flash, Kath picks up the towel abandoned on the breakfast bar and swats at Phil’s arm, “Philip!” she admonishes, “Of course things have changed!”

Dan and Phil exchange another confused look, but neither decide to get Kath to clarify her statement. They both know sometimes it’s easier not to question one’s parents. If Kath wants to feel suddenly emotional about their success and insists things were somehow “different,” they will gladly let her. Phil rubs his arm and mumbles about being scolded by his mum at thirty years old.

Conversation flows into clearer (less confusingly emotional) territory. Kath asks Dan about music, like she always does, and Dan gladly tells her about the new albums he has discovered recently. Dan loves talking to Kath. She listens and cares. They have a lively discussion about Sam Smith, because Kath has gone and listened his new album at Dan’s recommendation. Phil listens distractedly, his head resting on his palm. He’s thinking about how good the bread smells, cooling on top of the oven. He’s wondering if he could convince his mum to let Dan and him have the kitchen to make brownies or something. He hasn’t done any baking since their ridiculous conjoined challenge Halloween baking video and it hadn’t been any sort of relaxed. Making baked goods would be fun, and warm, and very yummy.  

“We boring you?” Dan asks suddenly, sinking his finger into Phil’s cheek. Phil starts.

“You’re a bully. I’ll have you know, I was having a very pleasant daydream.” 

Dan smiles and shakes his head. Kath tsks at their bickering and gets a bread knife out of a drawer to cut her homemade bread into slices. They talk about the latest season of The Great British Bake Off, even though it ended way back in October. Through a big bite of cranberry walnut bread, Dan reminds them all that there’s supposedly going to be a Christmas episode. Conversation continues in that manner, innocuous and comfortable. 

Suddenly, Phil remembers their luggage blocking his parents’ foyer. “Mum, what’s the sleeping arrangement? We really gotta get Dan’s ten tons of luggage out of your hallway before someone trips and cracks their head open.”

“Oi, oi. I’ll have you know, I only brought the essentials,” Dan plays up his indignation and pushes Phil’s shoulder gently. Phil pushes back, and then they are fake squaring up against each other. Kath fondly looks on. 

She sighs dreamily, “Ah, young love. You boys are so cute.” Dan and Phil freeze. They look at each other with wide eyes and then both look at Kath. Before one of them can say something, though, Kath is replying to Phil: “I figured the sleeping arrangements would be pretty obvious, Philip. Two couples, two guest bedrooms. Martyn and Cornelia will be in one, and you and Dan will be in the other. They’re pretty much identical, so it doesn’t matter which one you take.” Phil is still frozen, so Dan gives her a wobbly smile. “Don’t look so nervous, Daniel. I assure you that our guest beds are very comfy.” She winks, “Good for cuddling.”

Phil chokes and then starts coughing. Kath looks at him with concern. “You alright, honey?” She comes around the other side of the breakfast bar and smacks Phil’s back square in between his shoulder blades. “Dan, how about you get started on those bags while I get Phil some water.”

“Oh, uh, yeah of course.” Numbly, Dan nods his head, picks himself up off his stool, and finds his and Phil’s suitcases in the hallway. He’s completely on autopilot and, before he knows it, he is up the stairs and rounding the corner toward the guest bedrooms. He wonders what the fresh hell just happened. Was Kath under the impression that Dan and Phil had somehow… gotten together? Why? Dan drops their suitcases on the floor of the first guest room that he happens upon. He stares at them. 

Well, at least Kath’s comments and weird behavior from before make sense now, Dan thinks. He looks at the bed that he and Phil are meant to share. Bed-sharing isn’t really anything new to them, with the many hotel rooms and close tour bus quarters during TATINOF. Even at their own apartment, they often end up falling asleep in each other’s beds because of movie marathons, editing holes, the occasional cuddle. So Dan isn’t even freaking out about the bed-sharing. He’s just wondering what the hell they are supposed to tell poor, sweet Kath who is crying at the idea of the two of them being together. He is wondering what he and Phil are supposed to do, now that they’ve kind of missed their opportunity to tell Kath that she’s mistaken, after the first time she referenced them getting together. It’s going to be pretty awkward to set the record straight, now.

Dan exhales and drops down onto the bed, barely registering that it is, in fact, very comfy. If this situation wasn’t actually a bit of a mess, it would be kinda funny. It’s just so “Dan and Phil;” they are so awkward that they didn’t deny that they were in a relationship when Kath suggested it. Dan can see the video, now. 

Phil comes sweeping through the door in a frenzy, holding the rest of their bags. Dan sits up and blurts: “So can we talk about why the fuck your mum suddenly ships us?” Phil groans and pitches himself face-first onto their bed. He mumbles into the blanket, but Dan can’t make out any words through Phil’s grumbling. “I can’t hear you, you spork.”

 

Phil picks up his face, “I said: I know as much as you do,” and then promptly drops his head again. 

Dan stares at Phil’s shock of black hair against the light blue comforter. “Ok…” he says, trying to gather his thoughts. “Ok, so your mum thinks we are dating… for some reason. And it makes her happy?”

Phil jerks up suddenly. He pushes up, tucks his legs underneath himself, and settles on the bed in one swift motion. “Makes her so happy that she cries, apparently. I didn’t know she was that desperate for me to get hitched.” There’s a tinge of frustration in Phil’s voice that Dan catches, knowing that Phil’s parents have had a tendency to put an emphasis on romantic relationships.

“Sorry, Phil.” Dan reaches out and grips Phil’s hand, squeezing gently. “But, um, what do we do about Kath’s… misunderstanding?” 

“Tell her the truth, obviously,” Phil says, sounding... sad? Dan stares at Phil calculatingly, trying to tell what’s going on in his head. “We tell her that her, sorry to get her hopes up, but her thirty year old son is actually just as lonely as he has always been.” Phil rolls his eyes up to stare at the ceiling. His voice softens: “Sorry. I don’t care about not having a partner. It was just nice to see her so happy, and for her not to try to set me up, for once.” Phil picks at a loose thread on the sleeve of his jumper. He doesn’t like disappointing his parents, especially his mom. He’s always had the feeling that they wished he would just be normal and give them some grandchildren, already. 

Dan is sympathetic. Parents, families, they have expectations. Dan’s family has always wished that Dan would get a “real” job. They’ve never understood the YouTube thing and never really try to. Whenever he visits, his dad takes the opportunity to ask about job security, and making online videos is great and everything, Daniel, but isn’t it time to think about your retirement plan? His parents, however, have never given a shit about Dan’s love life. There are no invasive questions. His mum doesn’t try to set him up. They barely had a reaction when Dan told them he didn’t really care about gender in the people he was attracted to. 

Phil’s parents, on the other hand, don’t care about Phil’s job situation, as long as he is happy and healthy. But they pry about dates he has been on, talk about him needing to “settle down” one day, and hint at how nice it would be to have a little Lester running around again. Dan knows that Phil laughs along and shakes his head, but that it gets to him much like the job stuff gets to Dan. Parents have such a way with guilt. Dan squeezes Phil’s hand again, sympathetically. Then, he has an idea that is so crazy that he doesn’t even pause to truly consider it before saying: “I mean. We could… not tell the truth.” 

Warily, Phil asks, “What do you mean?” 

“I  _ mean _ , we could just let her continue to think we are… together.” Dan explains, ignoring when Phil sucks in a surprised breath. “Phil, think about it, we don’t have to act that differently. We’re way too close, frienderino. The majority of our fans already think we’re together.”

“But, Dan, we aren’t dating.”

“ _ I _ know that.  _ You  _ know that.  _ Your mum  _ has no idea.”

Phil huffs out a breath because Dan’s not getting it. It’s not this simple. He elaborates, “we can’t pretend that we are dating for the rest of our lives. What are we supposed to tell my mother, then?”

“Think of it as your mother’s Christmas gift. In a few months, you can just let her know that things didn’t work out romantically between us.” Dan elbows Phil, then, grinning, “just tell her that I couldn’t handle the socks all over my bedroom floor. Or that you weren’t fufilling me sexu—”

Phil shoves Dan, making him pitch sideways into the bed. “Shut your mouth, Dan.” 

Dan laughs and rightens himself. In a high-pitched voice, he asks: “Ooh did I find a sore spot? I’m really good at that, apparently.” Phil throws his hand over Dan’s mouth and wrestles him down to the bed. Dan tries to wiggle away from him. They laugh, breathlessly, forgetting about their weird situation for the moment.

A knock sounds on the doorway and the two of them spring apart, looking toward the source of the noise. Kath stands in the door, arms crossed, looking smug and fond. “Hey, lovebirds. Martyn and Cornelia just got here. Come say hi.” 

“Kay, mum.” Phil responds, sounding like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Kath just chuckles and leaves them alone once again. Embarrassed silence envelopes the little room. They might have just ruined their last chance to explain the truth to Kath. 

“Are we actually doing this?” Phil asks quietly. His hands are tucked in between his thighs and he looks a lot younger than his thirty years.

“Why not?” Dan slings an arm around Phil’s shoulder. “It kinda sounds fun. We’ll just tell your family that we got our heads out of our asses and figured out our feelings for each other, like a proper fanfiction. We’ll snuggle, hold hands, share a bed. It’s nothing we’ve never done before, honestly.”

Phil shrugs, finding that he can’t disagree with that. They’re close. They like platonic snuggling and hand-holding. Obviously, it’s something they do in private and off-camera, but they’ve always been touchy. Phil remembers what his mom just said and he groans into his hands. “Are we clueing Martyn and Corny in on this?” It seems more dishonest to lie to his brother and his girlfriend, somehow. They had all been through a lot together, with the international TATINOF tour and merch ventures. Phil doubts that they would be able to lie to Martyn and Cornelia. 

Dan seemed to read Phil’s mind. “Oh, hm. Maybe not, they’d see through us in a second.” 

Phil nods in agreement. “I’ll pull Martyn aside and explain the full situation to him.” Phil’s face morphs into something pained, “although, it will just give him more material to use when making fun of me.”  

Dan pats Phils shoulder sympathetically. “Big brothers are total dicks, huh?” Phil just looks at Dan incredulously, knowing full well that Dan’s the big brother in his family and, even though he’s not exactly close to his sibling, he takes full advantage of the standard big brother, little brother relationship. Dan giggles, then pushes himself off the bed. He reaches his hand out to Phil who grabs it and allows himself to be pulled up by Dan. Dan squeezes Phil’s hand before letting go and saying: “c’mon, mate. Let’s do this thing.”

Dan begins to walk away and Phil stops him with a hand clutched to the bottom of his jumper. “Wait, Dan, are you sure? How far are we gonna go with this?”

“Are you asking if you’re gonna get to third base?” Dan flashes Phil a cheeky grin who responds with an eye roll.

“Shut up, you ass. I mean…” Phil stops. What does he mean? How far is too far? Is Dan gonna plant one on Phil? Are they going to gush about each other’s fresh relationship? “What are the… boundaries?” Phil squeaks out weakly, his face burning red. 

Annoyingly enough, Dan’s cheeky grin doesn’t disappear. “Third base,” he replies with a face way too straight for Phil’s liking.

Phil groans and presses his fingers into his eyes, “I hate you. You’re the worst person in the world.”

“Sorry, Philly. Don’t make such a big deal of this. Your mom already thinks we are dating— there’s no need to lay it on too thick. We won’t do anything we don’t already do. Follow my lead.” Dan begins to walk toward the door and Phil follows, verbally indicating his assent to Dan’s plan. “But I mean, even a little kissing would be nothing new for us,” Dan says calmly and Phil chokes. 

Phil thought they had kind of silently agreed not to bring that up in sober conversation. But there are lots of best friends who make out when they’re drunk, right? It is a normal, healthy thing for two lads comfortable enough in their sexuality and friendship to do. The reality of their situation comes crashing over Phil again and he quickly rescinds that thought; there is absolutely nothing normal about Dan and Phil. 

They make their way down the hallway and Phil replies to Dan’s back: “again, I hate you. But you’re not wrong.” Dan snorts. And right there, Phil decides to follow Dan’s advice and not freak out anymore. Dan and Phil are already close, and a quiet Christmas of not having to dodge questions about Phil’s lack of love life is way too tempting to pass up. Is it dishonest? Kind of. Is it going to hurt anyone? No, Phil decides. 

 

***

 

Downstairs in the living room, Phil’s mum and dad are sitting on one side of the sectional couch with Martyn and Cornelia on the other side. Everyone turns their heads to look at Dan and Phil coming down the stairs. Martyn extracts himself from Cornelia’s side and hops up, immediately going in to gather both Dan and Phil in a group bear-hug. “Hey guys! Happy Christmas!” Martyn squeezes them both, leaving Dan and Phil gasping for breath. After, Cornelia hugs them both blessedly gently. Nigel completes the hug train right after her. Dan can’t help but smile; the Lesters are huggers. It’s no wonder that Phil is too. 

Pleasantries are exchanged and Kath looks at them all from her place on the couch. Then, Martyn is turning around and clapping Dan on the back: “So mum tells me that you both are finally dating? It’s about time! Me and Corny—” he wraps his arm around her waist and squeezes, “—have practically been betting on when you’d get together.” Dan’s mouth drops open. Everyone except Dan and Phil laugh good-naturedly. 

Phil recovers first and stutters out a chuckle that he knows sounds unconvincing. He slips his hand into Dan’s, mostly just to give him a stabilizing squeeze. Dan’s snaps his mouth shut. “Yeah, I guess we finally figured ourselves out, huh?” Phil asks.

“Took you long enough!” Cornelia adds cheerfully. “We thought for sure that it would have happened during your tour at least. But you boys give a new meaning to the world clueless.” 

“Oi!” Dan snaps out of his state of shock and responds to Cornelia’s quip. “We aren’t clueless.”

Martyn rolls his eyes, “yeah sure, mate. Eight years of flirting is pretty clueless.” Dan and Phil exchange a look. Flirting? Martyn continues, oblivious to their shared confusion. “How did it happen, anyway?” Martyn asks, looking eager to hear the story, much like Kath looked when she talked to them earlier in the kitchen. The simple question is enough to make Dan and Phil freeze again. They really aren’t prepared for this situation. 

Thankfully, Kath pipes up from the couch. “All right, all right. Let’s not crowd them. Kath pats her hand on the couch. “Come, everyone sit. I’ll pour everyone some tea.” Phil looks at his mum gratefully. Cornelia, Martyn, Phil, and Dan cram themselves on the long part of the sectional. 

Kath goes for the teapot perched on the coffee table, but Phil’s dad, Nigel, stops her with, “sit down, love, I’ll pour.” He fixes each person a cup.

Phil leans into Dan, pressing himself against the safe, stable warmth of Dan’s side. Dan presses back reassuringly. “Just follow my lead, remember?” Dan mumbles into Phil’s ear and Phil finds himself relaxing. It’s just Dan. They’d been thrown off by Martyn and Cornelia’s immediate acceptance of their apparent new relationship status, but that doesn’t mean they can’t regroup and just do a little playing along. 

Once everyone has their tea and is sipping contentedly, Dan says: “This might be a disappointment, but there’s not much of a story to how Phil and I got together.” He cradles his tea in both hands for warmth and comfort. He leans into Phil’s shoulder; it feels nice, natural. It’s giving him a lot of confidence to continue. He decides that he will keep as close to the truth as possible. “We already shared everything: a job, an apartment, DVDs, clothes, a bank account, a life. One day we just realized,  _ oh, we’re kinda dating already. _ ” Phil finds himself a little shocked about how true Dan’s statement is. They  _ aren’t  _ dating, but there are married couples that don’t share the amount of stuff that Dan and Phil share. Phil has always loved that about his friendship with Dan. Sharing so much with someone he trusts is just easier; he feels safer, more confident in himself because he’s part of a team. He doesn’t have to be alone or make decisions alone. If anything, this weekend is just going to make him appreciate what he has with Dan even more.

“That’s it?” Martyn exclaims, “no dramatic declarations? No extravagant gestures?”

“Well that wouldn’t be very us,” Phil says fondly. “We  _ would _ just kind of trip into a relationship.”

Martyn lets out a noise of disappointment that turns into a yelp when Cornelia elbows him in the side. She smiles, her bright blue eyes sparking, and coos, “I think that’s very sweet. And very Dan and Phil. I’m happy for you guys.” Nigel and Kath agree and, after rolling his eyes, Martyn acquiesces as well. 

Phil finds himself smiling back at his family, almost letting himself believe their lie for a moment. It doesn’t help that Dan is still warm and cosy against his side, head briefly resting against his shoulder. 

Thankfully, the conversation drifts away from Dan and Phil’s new relationship, almost like its old news already. Judging from his family’s reactions, old news doesn’t seem too far off. Seconds later, Nigel is asking Martyn about his merchandising company, IRL Digital. Phil and Dan chime in on the conversation, because they are pretty involved with it too. Dan, fully engaged in a conversation about Martyn receiving a recent request to manage another YouTuber shop, extracts himself from Phil’s side. But it feels natural for Phil to put his arm up on the couch behind Dan’s head. And it feels comfortable for Dan to place a hand on Phil’s knee. They make the rounds on the couch, updating each other on life events and jobs. Everyone has been busy: Cornelia’s working on a new album, Dan and Phil have their upcoming tour, Nigel has a huge art commission he’s been working on, and Kath is beginning to rent their guest rooms out on Airbnb. 

Eventually, everyone tires from the stuffy adult talk, and the conversation dissolves into recalling funny anecdotes. Martyn and Phil banter back and forth about childhood memories. Nigel and Kath embarrass the brothers with freshly dug out baby pictures that somehow neither Dan nor Cornelia have seen before. 

Dan is happy to find that he’s been around the Lesters long enough that even he has a part in some of these stories— the newer ones. Although, he quickly finds himself regretting this fact and hiding his blazing face in his hands as Kath regales them with a retelling of the first time she met Dan and he insulted her clothing.

Kath is hooting between sentences, a small tear working its way down her cheek: “—and I come down into the kitchen to find little Dan, wiping a spill up with my best, freshly pressed work blouse!” The room is practically in hysterics; even Phil is giggling helplessly into his hand. 

“Why would there be a blouse on the kitchen table!?” Dan breathed out in pseudo-frustration.

Kath ignores him. “I haven’t seen this skinny twit in my house before. All I’ve heard is Phil here gushing about a friend he met on the  _ internet  _ and now he’s here, in the flesh, using my work clothes to clean up  _ red wine _ .”

“Mate!” Martyn exclaims disbelievingly. Dan groans, wondering if being embarrassed was going to be his new reality with this fake relationship business.

Kath is laughing so hard now that it’s difficult for her to get the rest of the story out. Nigel pats her back soothingly, chuckling. “So-so I ask him- I ask him ‘What in god’s name are you doing?!’ And he says to me—” she has to take a break then, she’s laughing so hard. 

“What did he say?” Cornelia asks, a hand over her mouth stifling giggles. 

Kath takes a deep, steadying breath. “He says: ‘Oh hey Mrs. Lester, I’m just cleaning up some wine I spilled with the ugliest dishrag I could find. You know, so I don’t ruin your good ones!’” Everyone bursts out laughing— loud, uproarious laughter that shakes the couch.

Dan holds his palms out and tries to defend himself, “Look, I’m sorry, Kath! I didn’t expect clothes in the kitchen and I thought I was being helpful!” But everyone is laughing over him, so he just gives up and hides himself into Phil’s side. There’s a hiccup in Phil’s laughter as Dan presses against his side, but he feels so fond of Dan that he just wraps both arms around him. Dan can’t help but giggle with everyone else, especially when Phil’s is making his whole body shake.  

The laughter eventually dies down and Phil lets go. Dan’s skin feels colder where Phil was once touching him, but there is bundle of warmth in his belly. Dan figures it’s just the tea.

“Oh Dan,” Cornelia says, wiping a tear out of the corner of her eye, “what would we do without the constant entertainment your mishaps provide?”

Dan grumbles good-naturedly. “That’s kind of my whole shtick on the internet. I would be without a job, for one.” 

Kath reaches out across the sectional and pats Dan’s arm. She has calmed down as well, only the occasional hiccuping giggle bursting out of her chest to hint at her previous mirth. “I’m sorry for embarrassing you, child. It’s my duty as a future mother-in-law, you see.” Dan feels a little guilty and caught off guard, because Kath thinks that his relationship with Phil is going to last. He hadn’t considered that possibility when he suggested Phil and him pretend for a weekend. But of course she thinks it’s going to last; they’ve lived together in three different flats, for chrissakes. 

Before Dan can really fall into a spiral of guilt and second-guess this rash decision that he and Phil have made, Nigel is suggesting that they all get ready to go out to dinner. Dan is surprised because the Lesters have always been the “home-cooked” type of family who opt for intimate, personalized family dinners rather than restaurants. Dan notices that Phil looks relatively surprised too, but they don’t question it.

It turns out that the restaurant Kath and Nigel have chosen for the six of them is fancy, too. It’s locally owned and the building itself is trying to look like an old barn, but one look at the menu tells them that they are at an upper-scale restaurant. Phil feels a little out of place in his blue, vaguely Christmas-themed sweater and black jeans. His discomfort must show, because Dan places a calming hand on his thigh and leans forward, whispering: “you look fine.”

Phil blushes, despite himself, wondering when he became such an open book to Dan. “Thanks, just wasn’t expecting this.”

Dan smiles. “It’s a night of surprises, isn’t it?” Phil snorts in reply and picks up his menu. Dan takes a sip from the mason jar of ice water in front of him.

“Boys!” Kath’s voice surprises them and Phil jumps. “No lovers’ secrets at the dinner table!”

Dan sputters, water dribbling out of his mouth. Phil scratches the back of his burning neck. This is going to be a lot more difficult than either of them expected.

Nigel comes to their rescue, “Come on, love, don’t embarrass them.” Kath just titters and covers her face with her menu. Martyn and Cornelia are silent, but amused. The waiter takes that moment to come to the table and take their drink orders. When he gets to Dan, he finds himself asking for an entire bottle of red wine for him and Phil, because he figures he needs all the help he can get. 

It doesn’t seem he needs it, though, as the rest of dinner continues without incident. They all eat too much bread and drink too much wine, becoming louder and more giggly as the night progresses. Dinner with the Lesters is comfortable, even with this new, strange added element of a fake relationship. Kath insists that Dan try a spoonful of her French onion soup and passes it to him. Cornelia sings along to Frank Sinatra crooning over the speakers. Nigel and Martyn bicker about football and Dan and Phil mock them with over exaggerated lad talk. Dan is especially warm in the face and loose with his words. The prospect of having this new, more intimate relationship with the Lesters is making him throw away his usual reservations and anxieties. Well, and the alcohol helps too. 

And, like always, a tispy Dan is a touchy Dan. Phil’s used to it, though. He’s often the object of Dan’s affections when the younger one gets alcohol in him. At some point in the dinner, Dan has scooched his chair closer to Phil’s and is pressing their legs together. Their ankles are wrapped together under the table. Dan has his fingers threaded through Phil’s. It makes it harder for Phil to eat, especially because Dan’s tipsy gesticulations often jostle him, but, if Phil is being completely honest, it’s kinda nice. They are usually this close when they are alone, and then dial it back when someone else is around. But it’s grounding and lovely to be able to continue to touch Dan in front of his family and not have to wonder about what they think. Phil takes a sip of the wine that Dan shakily poured for him earlier, enjoying the deep, fruity flavors that coat his tongue. He’s really happy.

When the bill comes, Nigel and Kath surprise everyone by paying the entire thing. They giggle mischievously together, claiming that it’s just an early Christmas present to their children. Dan feels warm and fuzzy, because he is included in the Lester family in a way that he has never been. It’s the type of feeling of belonging that he doesn’t even recall feeling with his own biological family. But it’s probably because they are all more reserved than Phil’s. 

Dan and Phil’s steps out of the restaurant are more than a little unstable, so they link their arms together. It doesn’t help them much. But they tip this way and that, giggling softly, cheeks pink and breaths spilling out in foggy puffs. The rest of the Lesters aren’t much better. Nigel, who stuck to drinking water, is the only one on completely even footing. He opens the passenger side of the grey van they drove to the restaurant in and gestures Kath into the seat saying: “all right, all right. Stop your giggling and get in the car. It’s like herding a bunch of cats.”

Phil climbs into the way back of the car and lets the slightly numb, fluttery feeling of intoxication wash over him. Dan gets in and clumsily flops practically on top of Phil. Their faces are suddenly so close that Phil could count Dan’s eyelashes if he had the coordination. “Oh, hi.” Dan murmurs, his eyes flicking down to Phil’s lips. Phil notices the movement and rolls his eyes, ending the tension before it can even grow, by ducking forward and pressing a quick, chaste kiss to Dan’s lips. His family won’t mind. In fact, it will only help their ruse. And they do this sometimes, because kissing is nice, even if it’s with your platonic mate. Phil is just drunk enough to believe his own mental explanation. Dan closes his eyes and hums appreciatively, kissing Phil back before rolling his body off of Phil’s front. He buckles with clumsy fingers. 

Kath begins singing along to the radio in a pitchy voice. Cornelia joins in with her much sweeter tones. Before they know it, the whole car is singing “Jingle Bells” like a family in a cheesy Christmas movie. Phil ducks his head into Dan’s neck and soaks it up: the bad singing, the good food and wine in his stomach, the feeling of his parents finally being proud of him, the burning warmth of Dan’s neck that would worry him if he didn’t already know that Dan was just a warm person.

It’s late enough and the family is tipsy enough that, upon arriving home, everyone just says goodnight to each other and trudges up to their own rooms. Dan and Phil remove their clothes, jump into pajama pants, and fall into bed. “I wanna be the big spoon,” Dan mumbles and they arrange themselves accordingly. Phil can’t help but sigh at the feeling of Dan’s bare chest pressed up against his back and his hand rubbing soothing circles into his belly. Dan is sleepily placing little kisses on the back of Phil’s neck. They tickle more than anything else. Red wine has a tendency to cause a burst of giggly energy, and quickly replace it with lethargy. They let the heavy exhaustion settle on them and, seemingly seconds later, they are both asleep.

 

***

 

The next day, Dan wakes up first, like he has been doing as of late. One of the promises that he has made to his therapist has been to stay on a regular sleeping schedule, and now his body just naturally wakes up at 8:00 AM, which is a little gross. In the night, Dan and Phil have drifted apart and Dan wakes up with his face smushed into a drool-covered pillow. He briefly takes note of his morning wood that is pushing into the mattress, but obviously decides to ignore it, as Phil is still sleeping inches away from him. Phil’s hand is flung over his back, but Dan wiggles out from underneath it pretty easily. Even though he’s on vacation, Dan decides to be good and follow the (intelligent, helpful, and very annoying) advice of his therapist. After gathering his soaps and hair products, he trudges into the en-suite bathroom, briefly thinking about how it makes sense that Kath is renting these rooms out on Airbnb. The bathroom is gorgeous: freshly painted, tastefully decorated, sweet-smelling, and stocked with soap, toothpaste, and shampoo. Dan makes a note to tell Kath how impressed he is.

The shower is warm and helps dissipate the soreness that the alcohol has left with him. He massages the muscles of his back with some minty-smelling body wash that Kath has balanced on the tub. Dan’s mouth falls open and he finds himself moaning in appreciation. A certain part of him grows interested in the ministrations and he lets himself lightly jerk himself off, only feeling a little bit guilty about doing it in the nice, Airbnb-ready shower.

Dan finishes, scrubs himself clean and hops out of the shower. He completes the rest of his morning routine and dresses himself in the guest room. 

“W’time is it?” Phil grumbles from the bed, poking his head up from the covers and squinting at Dan. Dan laughs at the sight of sleep-tousled Phil. “Why’re you laughin at me?” His voice sounds deeply Northern; it always does when he’s sleepy or drunk.

“No reason, dear,” Dan responds. “It’s around 8:30.”

“Pfff, too early.” Phil ignores the mocking endearment, rolls over, and wraps the duvet around his ears, disappearing from sight. Dan chuckles and heads downstairs.

The living room is empty, but Dan smells coffee, so he shuffles into the kitchen. Nigel is at the breakfast bar cradling a cup of coffee and reading an iPad, looking a lot like Phil looks in the morning— grumpy. Dan pauses. He hasn’t had a lot of experience talking to Nigel. He’s quieter and a little more serious than Kath, especially on his own. She seems to bring out a bit of childishness in him, but alone he is more or less your average, stoic British man. It’s too late to turn around, though, because Nigel looks up from his iPad and nods, “Good morning, Daniel. Help yourself to coffee.”

Dan smiles somewhat stiffly. “Thanks, Nigel.” He works his way over to the coffee pot and pours himself a cup into Kath’s coordinating set of lavender coffee mugs. Once he has his coffee, he subtly shifts from foot to foot, a little nervous about where to go next. He figures it would be rude to leave the kitchen, even though he doesn’t particularly fancy having an awkward morning chat with Phil’s dad. He relents and sits on the other end of the breakfast bar, getting out his phone to check tweets. There’s a few moments of uncomfortable silence where Dan is trying to decide if he should say something.

“We’re glad to finally have you here for Christmas.” Nigel says, eyes still on his iPad. 

Dan looks up from a horrifying Dantaclaus edit that someone has sent him on twitter, sort of glad for the interruption. “Thanks for having me. And for paying for dinner last night. It was a really good time.”

Nigel puts down his iPad on the table and smiles at Dan. When he smiles, he looks scarily like Phil. They have the same blue eyes, long face shape, and hawkish nose. “Well, me and Kathy wanted to do something special to celebrate you and Phil getting together.”

Dan’s face burns with the knowledge that the Lesters shelled out a lot of money to celebrate a relationship that isn’t even real. Dan can feel the guilt that he has been fighting off wrap its little tendrils around his brain. “Oh, y-yeah. Thank you.”

“You know,” Nigel studies him seriously, scratching his stubbled chin, “I know Cornelia and Martyn poked fun at you for it, but I would have thought you guys would have gotten together years ago. What took you?”

“Oh, um.” A steadying sip of coffee allowed Dan to try to calm his racing heart. It is a little odd to do this when Phil isn’t right next to him. Dan figures he should just do what he has been doing, and stick as close to the truth as possible. “We… were comfortable in what we had, I guess. And he and I both have been focusing on our careers for so long that a relationship wasn’t in the cards.” That statement is completely true: neither Dan nor Phil had tried to find a long-term relationship because YouTube and Radio One and touring and writing books and what-have-you were long-term commitments in and of themselves. “All either of us needed at that point was a friend.”

Nigel is looking at Dan with warmth in his eyes, so Dan must be saying something right. “That… makes a lot of sense.” Dan nods and there’s silence again. They both go back to their devices for a couple of minutes, sipping coffee in silence. It’s still a little awkward, making Dan fidget in his seat, but the silence is also a lot warmer than it was before. “What changed?” 

Dan meets Nigel’s eyes. They are almost identical to Phil’s, but the wrinkles around Nigel’s eyes has Dan wondering what Phil will look like when he’s his father’s age. And that has him wondering if he’ll be around to see Phil grow old. Will Dan and Phil still be close? Will they still be working together or living together? Probably not; they both want families eventually. And Dan doesn’t know if YouTube will last that long as a viable career. Dan feels a pang of sadness at the prospect of change. He finds himself saying: “I didn’t want to lose him.” Dan freezes. Nigel must sense the intimacy of that admittance and thankfully just nods and goes back to his iPad. Dan stares unseeingly at his phone, the phrase he just uttered spinning around in his head.  _ I didn’t want to lose him. _

Later, when everyone has woken up and come downstairs, and Kath and Nigel make breakfast together, Dan sits next to Phil on the couch. He leans against Phil with his legs tucked up against his chest. Phil is still in his pajamas and sleep-warm, and Dan finds himself inhaling his scent. It’s a bit embarrassing, but Phil smells like home. He always has, even when Dan was in college and they didn’t live together. Dan was always finding excuses to visit Phil, or spend the night at Phil’s. Dan doesn’t know if he ever wants to know a time where Phil doesn’t smell like home.  _ I didn’t want to lose him _ . Phil wraps his arm around Dan and pats Dan’s shoulder. “You ok?” he whispers.

“I’m ok. Just had a hard conversation with your dad this morning.”

“Oh?”

Dan just nods and Phil doesn’t pry. He hopes Dan is ok and not regretting the decision to fake date him for a weekend. He’s almost enjoying himself.

 

***

 

After a huge homemade breakfast that Nigel cooks, the family piles into the van again, decked out in warm coats and hats. They drive the short distance to Ramsey Beach and hike along the craggy seaside, enjoying the salty ocean air until their cheeks are stinging with cold. Dan and Phil walk hand-in-hand, because they’ve both forgotten their mittens and because no one else is around to possibly recognize them. Their hands separate, however, when the family makes their way to Ramsey High Street to duck into the tourist traps and shops that line the road. Even though Phil’s parents are locals, everyone enjoys looking at the kitschy knick-knacks, overpriced sweets, and locally-made clothing. They all especially enjoy the shop they walk into that sells jams, sauces, and hot and fresh mulled wine. Filled with spiced, warm wine, the outdoors doesn’t seem so cold. 

In one of the clothing shops, Phil spots a black, wooly jumper with constellation-like dots in the knitting, and buys it without second thought. Phil has to pry Dan away from ridiculous-looking hats, warning him that there will not be a repeat of bejeweled monstrosity that Dan got in Florida. 

Dan and Phil don’t hold hands, because there are a lot of people milling around, doing last minute Christmas shopping. They don’t run into any fans, but they’re still cautious. That’s nothing new, though. They have always had to censor themselves in public. It hurts just a little bit more today, because of the warm feeling of belonging that settles in Dan’s stomach next to the mulled wine. He just wants to grab Phil’s hand and pull him to look at shop windows and clothing displays, and he wants Phil to drag him to look at sweets. 

Phil doesn’t stop himself from leaning his head on Dan’s shoulder when they separate from the rest of the group and relax in a little used bookstore. It’s safe to do so, because they squirrel themselves away in the cramped, abandoned romance section. The irony is not lost on Phil. Leaning into each other on a cushioned bench below crookedly stacked books is a nice break from all the crowds. And his own family’s teasing and talking.

They play the game they often play at books stores, pulling random bodice-rippers off the shelf and reading them to each other in ridiculous voices. After Phil has to stop reading a surprisingly graphic scene featuring a hunky man in a kilt, Dan picks up a ridiculous looking trashy novel that has a well-endowed alien on the front. He opens to a random page and begins to read it in a sensual voice, making Phil giggle.

“ _ Xenog wraps his sweaty fingers around the thick, powerful barrel of his ray gun, _ ” Dan wiggles his eyebrows while reading and Phil pushes his shoulder, begging him to stop. “ _ ‘P-please, don’t hurt me.’ the young, nubile earthling stutters, ‘I’ll do anything! _ ”

“Nubile?!”

Dan ignores Phil’s exclamation and continues on in his ridiculous voice. “ _ ‘Anything?’ Xenog asks lowly, lowering the gun that’s ready to burst. ‘Ok earthling, let’s start with you getting on your knee-’” _

“Nope! No more!” Phil reaches over and tears the novel out of Dan’s hands. Dan doesn’t even notice; he doubles over in laughter and starts sputtering about the novel’s word choice and something about “how pointless it is to assign traditional, misogynistic gender roles to aliens.” Phil isn’t really listening; he finds himself watching the crinkle of Dan’s eyes and the little peek of tongue that sticks out when Dan laughs. It’s a little trait that he picked up from Phil, and seeing it makes Phil feel proud and strangely possessive. He reaches out and sinks a finger into Dan’s dimple. “You’re cute when you laugh,” Phil observes.

Phil swears he can see the rosy patch on Dan’s jaw darken, but Dan just shoulders him and says, “come off it.” 

They chuckle to themselves, and enjoy the silence of the bookstore. It smells like musty paper, and the shopkeep is playing Enya on a CD player by the register a few rooms down. While listening to the slightly muffled sounds of “Only Time,” Phil realizes that they haven’t had a chance to talk seriously about their situation yet. 

“So, how are you feeling about the… yanno?” Phil asks, zipping and unzipping the front pockets on his jacket.

Dan looks up from another book he’s pulled off the shelf. “The fake dating thing?”

“Yeah.” 

Someone walks by the little nook that they’re nestled in, the old floorboards creaking under their quick feet. Dan waits for them to pass before he responds, even though an outsider would have no idea what they’re talking about. “It’s not bad. Like I guessed, we don’t have to act that differently.”

“Yeah,” Phil agrees, forcing himself to stop playing with his zipper. “Little weird, that.”

“Weird that we already act like a married couple?” Dan clarifies, grinning. 

“Yeah.” Phil doesn’t mirror Dan’s glee. Instead, he feels a little exposed. Phil wonders when that happened; when being with Dan became like a relationship, just without the sex.

Dan senses the change in Phil’s demeanor. “Do you think we should… back off?”

Phil considers it for a moment. They could stop buying each other surprise snacks at the store. They could stop going out to movies together. They could stop paying for things for each other. They could stop ironically calling each other dad, dear, and babe. They could stop only hanging out with couples. They could stop touching, cuddling, falling asleep together. And eventually, they could move out on their own and separate their personal careers. 

Phil’s entire being rejects these ideas. He literally feels his skin prickle with anxiety and distaste at the prospect. Phil thinks he sort of needs Dan now; he would feel a bit lost without him. It would be like cutting off his own arm, or the whole second half of his body. He notices that Dan is looking at him anxiously, almost as if he doesn’t like the prospect either. To reassure Dan, Phil says simply, “No, I don’t think so,” and knocks his shoulder against Dan’s. “The universe would implode, remember?”

Dan smiles tentatively. Their conversation seems unfinished, and they both can sense it. They don’t talk about how there are a couple other options on the table, besides putting space between the two of them. Instead of continuing the conversation, however, Phil takes what he thinks to be another questionable piece of literature from the LGBTQ section and reads. This one isn’t as bad as the others, however. In fact, it turns out to be a serious and artful story about an artist and a scientist that Phil buys for a pound.

They don’t spend a lot more time at the bookstore. Instead, they shove off to find the rest of the Lesters. They all stop for sandwiches, and then head back to the shoreline. They find some low cliffs to hike up, Martyn, Cornelia, Kath, and Nigel walking ahead of them. Up on the snow-speckled, grassy plateau, Dan and Phil wordlessly lace their fingers together again. Phil can’t really deny that Dan looks beautiful with the wind tousling his curls and biting into his cheeks. If feels like something has shifted between them, exacerbated by the sweet silence surrounding them. They speak in low tones, reverent as if they’re in a church, recalling winter memories and discussing their excitement and awe for their upcoming year. Eventually, they stop speaking and just stare out at the sea together. The ebb and flow of the waves on the rocky shore is hypnotizing. Much like the night sky, the ocean makes Dan think about infinite. He used to be afraid of feeling small, but now, standing next to Phil, he feels comforted by it. 

The wind eventually picks up and the air grows colder. The rest of the Lesters find their way back to Dan and Phil and suggest that they should return home to find some warmth. Dan and Phil find themselves disappointed that their hike is over, but they silently, unknowingly agree to treasure this quiet moment for a long time.

On their way back home, it begins to snow and Phil can’t help but squeal with excitement, slapping Dan over and over again in the thigh saying: “Dan, Dan, snow!” Phil presses his nose to the window and watches fat flakes fall from the sky and quickly cover the road. Phil looks over to Dan, who is silent and staring at him. “Snow!” he repeats. Dan smiles softly, thinking about how precious it is that Phil can cling to the childlike joy of snow squalls. That’s always been one of Dan’s favorite things about Phil; he doesn’t let the cynicism of adult life taint his heart. Some people mistake this for innocence. But Phil is realistic and responsible, simply finding joy in the small things. He just doesn’t take himself too seriously; Dan has always tried to take a page of out Phil’s book in regards to that. 

Rather than replying, Dan can’t help but lean over and press a fond kiss to Phil’s cheek. He wonders if he should regret it. He’s sober, so that’s not an excuse. None of Phil’s family are watching, so it’s not like Dan kissed Phil for appearances. Phil doesn’t seem to mind though; he just raises one, amused eyebrow.

“S-sorry.” Dan stutters. “I see the snow, though, Phil. I do have eyes.”

“You’re not excited enough!” He exclaims, then takes hold of Dan’s hand and pecks his cheek back, just because he can. Phil wants to laugh. They decide to pretend to have a relationship for the sake of the Lesters, and then only kiss when his family isn’t looking. They have a weird friendship. Phil squeezes Dan’s hand.  Maybe their problem is that they are still considering what they have, to be a friendship. 

Upon arriving home, the rest of their Christmas Eve is spent eating, talking, laughing, and watching Christmas movies. In the evening, after dinner, Kath rounds everyone up to play games. They play a few rounds of Truth Bombs, because, well, Dan and Phil are kind of proud of their creation. The whole family has a ball making fun of each other; Dan is surprised to find that Nigel is especially good hitting everyone exactly where it hurts. It’s always the quiet ones. The family shares laughs, mince pies, and glasses of wine or eggnog. A fire crackles in the fireplace and things are so idyllic that Dan half expects to suddenly find out that he’s been thrown in an alternate dimension where everything is perfect and wonderful, but  _ there’s a twist. _ He shakes his head to rid himself of these ridiculous thoughts. 

Martyn suggests that they have the perfect setup to play Taboo, and everyone can’t help but agree. However, the Lesters change their tune the minute they see Dan and Phil at work.

The timer ticks down, sending adrenaline rushing through Phil’s blood. He eyes the card of taboo words that he’s not allowed to use to describe his keyword. “Oh, um, we turn on the camera and play-”

“Video games!”

“Yes! This one—” Phil stops and gestures in a way that looks… like a random gesture to everyone else. 

Dan, apparently knows exactly what Phil’s getting at, because his eyes light up and he answers, “Oh! Paris!”

“Yes!” Phil exclaims. 

Martyn groans, “are you kidding me; how was that supposed to be Paris? You have to be cheating.” Technically, they aren’t allowed to use gestures. But, according to the Lesters’ house rules, aka Kath, “that’s a stupid rule. Bin it!”

Phil pushes at Martyn, “shut up! You’re cheating by distracting us.” Phil picks up another card and gives it a split-second glance. “Next one: Rick and Morty! Blank Rick.”

“Pickle!” Kath and Nigel exchange confused looks as Phil fist pumps the air and picks up another card. They continue like that for the rest of the round, and for several rounds after. None of the family can follow their mental symbiosis, inside jokes, and shared memories. Dan is grinning the whole time; they are an unstoppable team, despite the fact that they are also up against two other couples. He’s so full of adrenaline and competitive energy, that his brain doesn’t even have time to catch that mental mistake. 

They end up cutting the game short because it’s clear that Dan and Phil are going to be the winners, no matter how many rounds they play. Martyn grumbles about cheating again and Phil and him fake wrestle over it. Cornelia just shakes her head and calls them, “kinda freaky.” Nigel and Kath are content to lean back against the couch together, watching their children and significant others bicker. Dan feels fuzzy all over. He’s proud of how close he is to Phil. He likes when he gets the opportunity to show it off, so he’s practically glowing.

Nigel suggests a quiet card game to calm everyone down, but Dan and Phil opt out because Phil has successfully convinced Kath to let him and Dan use the kitchen to make Christmas cookies. “Actually, Dan and I want to make cookies for Santa before it gets too late.” Phil says, pushing himself off the couch and reaching back to help Dan up.

“All right, but no using my clothes for dishrags, Daniel,” Kath teases, making Dan blush. 

“One time!” Dan exclaims, throwing his hands up. “You lot will never let me forget it!”

Dan sits at the breakfast bar and watches Phil get out ingredients and baking tools. “You know, you could get up and help me instead of staring at me like a lump,” Phil says, stabbing a spatula toward Dan. 

“Aw, why? You’re fun to watch.” Phil, slightly tipsy from eggnog spiked with rum, wiggles his backside at Dan’s comment, making Dan roll his eyes. “Not what I meant, you spork.”

“I’m hurt. Now get the hell up and help me.”

Dan does so, grumbling loudly the whole way. It’s all for show, though. Phil sends Dan into the pantry to find sugar and flour, and he also discovers Kath’s impressive supply of fashionable aprons. There’s a lot of flowers and frills. They’re perfect. He dons a Christmas-themed one with a three dimensional snowman on the front that seems like it might be a hindrance while cooking. For Phil, he finds a bright red and gold one with cheesy cursive handwriting exclaiming “Kiss the cook!” on the front. Kath  _ would _ have one of these. Dan brings Phil his new accessory, drapes it over his head, and ties a double knot in the back that will be especially hard to get out. Dan steps back and admires his handiwork, while Phil glances down at the writing on front. “Kiss the cook? Of course mum would have one of these.”

“That’s what I was thinking!” Dan laughs, then gestures to his own apron. “What do you think of my snowman one?” Before Phil can answer, he’s belting out a high-pitched rendition of “Walking in the Air.” 

“It looks ridiculous.” 

“You’re just jealous.”

They stir together the ingredients for sugar cookies, reminiscing about the time they made ones just like these for Phil’s channel so many years ago. “I don’t even want to know what we look like in that video,” Dan says, cringing to himself. He sort of remembers an embarrassingly long fringe and his ass hanging out for the majority of it. 

“We were fetuses.” Phil agrees, feeling nostalgic for the first couple years of their friendship. He would be lying if it didn’t start out with Phil having a tiny crush on his ultimate fanboy. That morphed into a beautiful friendship and partnership. Phil watches Dan mix in wet ingredients into the dry, his lip tucked under his teeth in concentration, and briefly wonders what the next steps of their relationship are.

Things don’t go wrong with the cookies, until they are coating the kitchen counter in flour and rolling out the cookie dough. Phil is an absolute menace, spilling flour on the front of him  _ and  _ Dan. 

“Phil! I’m wearing an apron, how did you even manage to get flour on my jumper?” Dan whines, trying to brush the powder off the black material. Phil giggles and flicks flour at Dan. “Uh, uh. No. You are not starting this battle, because it will not end well.” Dan backs up, flour-y hands up in surrender. “We promised not to turn Kath’s kitchen into a bloodbath, remember.” 

“Fine.” Phil concedes, going back to gently rolling out the dough. 

Dan approaches cautiously and peers down. “That looks thin enough, let’s cut out some shapes.” In a flash, Phil places the rolling pin down and grabs Dan’s cheeks with both of his hands. There’s a crazy, split second where Dan thinks Phil is going to make out with him right here in this kitchen, but its gone when Dan realizes that Phil is smothering him in flour. Phil’s fingers trail up into his hair and Dan’s eyes widen. “You didn’t.” Dan says lowly, his voice a warning, “you better not have.”

Phil smirks, “I did!” he says gleefully. Dan scowls; Kath’s kitchen be damned. Dan shuffles his hands in the flour on the counter and chases Phil, who has taken off onto the other side of the breakfast bar. 

“Get your ass back over here, Lester! Don’t dish it, if you can’t take it.”

“Please, Dan! I’m sorry! I’ll never do it again.” They fake each other out for a few seconds, pretending to dash one way and then the other. But then, Dan dives over the breakfast bar, taking Phil completely by surprise. He goes straight for Phil’s hair, covering it with a cloud of flour. “Ugh, Dan!” Phil whines.

“You started it. Now you just look your age.” Dan titters at Phil’s offended looking face. “That’s what it would look like if you didn’t dye all the grey out, wouldn’t it?”

“Shut up,” Phil groans. “I’m gonna get you back and then you’ll be—” Phil cuts himself off and straightens his spine, “Oh hey mum! Nothing to see here. Cookies are going great.”

Dan slinks off the breakfast bar and turns around sheepishly, noticing Kath standing in the entryway. Her arms are crossed and she’s tapping her foot, but her face betrays her mirth. “We won’t mess up your kitchen, mum” she says in a high-pitched voice, mocking Phil from twenty minutes ago. “What do you call this then?”

“Uhhhh… Phil started it?” Dan says weakly. 

Kath laughs. “All right, the least you can do is let me take your picture. That’s your punishment.” She takes out her cell phone and gestures to them. “Phil, come out from behind the breakfast bar. Cosy up. You did this to yourselves, boys.” They press themselves together and grin, not complaining. Kath catches sight of Phil’s apron. “Kiss the cook, how cute! Go ahead, Dan, plant one on him.”

Dan bites his lip and shuffles awkwardly, but realizes that if he was Phil’s actual boyfriend, he wouldn’t hesitate for Kath. Dan turns toward Phil, shrugs, and leans in to press a kiss to Phil’s mouth. He sees no point in making it quick or chaste, and instead slots their lips together for a long moment. Kath’s phone clicks. He tastes flour. “Ew, flour-y.”

Phil is bright pink in the face, but manages to look offended. Kath meanwhile just squeals about how cute the picture is, before warning them that they better clean the kitchen when they are done or she’s returning their Christmas gifts. 

Dan and Phil go back to cutting out Christmas cookies. While cutting out a Christmas tree, Phil softly asks: “Is this getting out of hand?”

Dan chews on his lip and focuses on too hard on cutting out his santa. It’s getting out of hand, but only for how much he’s actually enjoying being able to kiss Phil. “I don’t think so.” Dan forces a calm smile. “Don’t worry so much.” Dan bumps his hip against Phil’s. Phil looks at Dan for a long moment, before cracking a hesitant smile. 

In true Dan and Phil fashion, the cookies come out pretty ugly, but still yummy. They clean the kitchen and brush the flour off each other’s clothes and hair. Phil sets their prettiest cookies on a Christmas-themed decorative plate. They both find themselves utterly exhausted. In the living room, Nigel and Kath are alone and reading from their individual iPads. Phil sets out the plate of cookies for “Santa” and Dan rolls his eyes fondly. “We’re going to bed, mum and dad. Love you.” Phil says, reaching down and giving them both hugs.

“Night loves. Happy Christmas Eve. Don’t be too loud, or you’ll scare Santa.”

Embarrassed, Dan coughs and they book it up the stairs, before Kath can make anymore comments.

Once they get into their room, Dan shuts the door behind them and collapses back against the wood. “God, Kath is a menace.”

“She really is.” Phil agrees from the bed, “and she wonders why I’ve never had a long-term relationship. She’d probably send anyone who isn’t you running and screaming.”

Dan is… weirdly honored by that. But, then he also finds himself suddenly curious about the fact that Phil really hasn’t had any long-term relationships. He’s had a few dates throughout the years. And Phil had his first girlfriend before he and Dan even met, but that hadn’t lasted much more than a couple months. “If you don’t mind me asking, Phil,” Dan begins cautiously, already wondering why he’s opening his big mouth, “is there a reason why you’ve never had one?”

“A relationship?” Phil looks startled. “Oh um. We’ve been busy, yanno?” Phil rubs his hands on the unmade bed in little circles, feeling the cool sheets under his skin. His palms are dry from scrubbing every bit of flour away with hand soap. Phil feels bad for spouting the same old thing he always tells people, to Dan. Dan deserves better than that. “And, that’s not all, I guess. I think I just need to be close to someone before dating them.” Phil looks up at Dan, meeting his eyes. “Like really close.”

Dan hums, thinking about it. It makes a lot of sense for Phil, actually. He’s all about trust and loyalty. He has anxiety about whether he can rely on people. Dan can see how that would make it hard for him to date people he doesn’t know very well. Before Dan can respond, Phil is continuing: “I find that most people use dating to get to know someone. But I’ve never been able to do it that way. I need to be friends first.”

“Oh.” Dan finds he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Again, it feels like the conversation isn’t finished, but Dan doesn’t know what to say. Instead he walks across the room and jumps up on the bed, settling next to Phil. “Want to play Breath of the Wild?”

Phil nods, feeling relieved that the conversation has moved on from his preferences. Like the couple of nerds they are, Dan and Phil get their separate Switches out of their coordinating carrying cases and play Breath of the Wild next to each other. They play until their eyelids get heavy and the clock reads a time that Dan’s therapist would raise a judgemental eyebrow at. 

Dan falls asleep first, with the Switch still in his hands, because of his new, responsible sleeping schedule. Phil takes Dan’s Switch, powers it off, tucks it away, and jostles Dan’s shoulder lightly. Dan’s eyes crack open and stare up at Phil. Phil doesn’t think, just presses a soft kiss to Dan’s forehead and says, “you gotta get in your pjs and brush your teeth.”

“Don’wanna.” Dan mumbles, his eyes falling back shut. 

“C’mon, Dan. You’ll regret it if you don’t.” Dan grumbles incoherently and Phil fondly brushes curls away from his face. “Ok, fine. Pjs only. I’ll help you.”

Phil helps Dan take off his pants and shirt, which should be weird, but really isn’t. He’s done it so many times— for drunk Dan, sleepy Dan, sick Dan. Maybe the only thing that’s changed is now Phil has a little taste of what it’s like to be more than a friend to Dan. He can’t say he hates it.

Once Dan has his pj pants on and is tucked under the sheets, Phil gets up to go to the bathroom and take out his contacts. He should have done it long ago, and now his eyes are dry and burning from leaving them in and looking at a screen. Before Phil can get up, though, Dan catches his sleeve in his hand and tugs, asking “kiss?” Phil finds himself smiling. He leans in and pecks Dan’s lips with his own. Dan smiles contentedly and lets go of Phil’s sleeve. 

It’s not until Phil is removing his second lens, before he realizes what just happened. He figures that they might be utterly fucked at this point.

 

***

 

Phil wakes up first, because it’s Christmas day and he thinks he might have a special Christmas alarm clock programmed into his brain. Some of his fondest childhood memories are of him springing from bed at 6:00 AM, running into his parents room, and launching himself onto their bed while cheering ‘It’s Christmas! It’s Christmas!’ It’s a wonder his parents didn’t start tying him to his bed on Christmas Eves.

Soft, blurry light is streaming in through the crack in his mother’s curtains, and Phil wonders if it’s snowing. He presses back briefly into Dan’s warmth, before pushing himself over to wake Dan up. He finds himself face to face with the younger man and allows himself to just look. Dan’s close enough so that Phil can make out his completely relaxed, sleeping face and the slack, pink mouth exhaling out little breaths. The skin around his eyes is a puffy and a few of his curls stick to his forehead. Phil reaches out to push the curls in question into a quiff, away from Dan’s skin. He runs his fingers through the waves, disturbing perfectly coiled ringlets, until his fingers meet Dan’s pillow.

Dan hums, stirring slightly, but not waking up. He pushes his head into Phil’s hand and Phil can feel his heart melting into a puddle at the cute gesture. He’s reminded of when they first met and Dan was much younger. He had been even touchier and more affectionate then. In the early months of their friendship, Phil had even expected them to date. But, they never progressed past friends, and Dan grew a little more reserved as the years went on. Sometimes their blatant flirtiness and on-screen affection still surprises Phil when he rewatches the old videos they did together. Dan nuzzles his head into Phil’s hand again, a little smile dancing on the corner of his mouth. 

Seeing Dan with his guard completely let down is wonderful, and Phil can’t help but want to cherish this moment. He decides that Christmas can wait a little bit longer, and settles into the crook of Dan’s neck, pressing his nose into blazing warm skin. Dan smells like cookies, and minty soap, and home. Phil wraps his arm around Dan’s bare torso and lets his hand rest on Dan’s chest. Dan settles his cheek into the top of Phil’s head. Phil can feel the solid, slow beating of Dan’s heart under his palm. It’s soothing, and makes him think about how lucky it is that they found each other. His eyelids become heavier, drooping and blurring the image of freckle constellations bursting across Dan’s skin.

Phil has a wonderful dream. He’s on the seaside with Dan again. It’s snowing, and Phil spins around in it, sticking out his tongue to catch the fine flakes. A little white crystal lands on his tongue and dissolves, but it’s not snow, it’s powdered sugar. The sugar coats Dan’s curls and Phil ruffles them playfully, watching Dan’s smile grow wider and his dimple deepen. Then Dan is ducking forward, licking the powdered sugar off the tip of Phil’s nose. It makes Phil squeal and turn away. 

He catches a glimpse of the ocean, which isn’t made of water, but layers of undulating frosting and sprinkles. Phil kind of wants to stare at the fascinating sight forever, but Dan catches his shoulders then, spins him around, and kisses him deeply. It isn’t chaste or shy by any means. It’s open and wet, sending little sparks of pleasure sizzling down Phil’s skin. Dan grabs his hips and pulls them together. The pressure feels fantastic and they can’t help but rub against each other. Phil fits his hands deep into Dan’s curls and tightens his hold a little. Dan’s hair becomes softer, softer, slowly morphing into pure black sugar cookie dough that spills through Phil’s fingers. Dan’s face crumbles into cookie pieces.

Phil wakes up with a slight start. The first thought he has is maybe they shouldn’t have made cookies right before going to bed. His second thought is that maybe he should roll away from Dan so his morning wood isn’t pressing right into Dan’s hip. 

“Morning. Good dreams?” Dan murmurs, turning his head toward Phil. Their faces are centimeters apart and there is no hiding the widening of Phil’s eyes and the reddening of his face. 

“Uuhhh…” Phil says eloquently, squeezing his eyes shut.

“You, um, were just doing a little… grinding.” Dan has the audacity to sound amused and Phil groans, hiding himself below Dan’s chin. He mumbles into Dan’s skin. “What was that, Philly?”

“I said, I blame the cookies.”

“The cookies?”

“Yes. They gave me strange dreams.”

Dan hums, like he’s considering Phil’s speculation that the act of baking cookies late at night equal strange dreams. “Oh, strange were they? Strange bad or strange good?” 

Phil definitely doesn’t let the image of him and Dan making out on a powdered sugar beach into his mind’s eye. It’s the furthest thing from his thoughts. Phil definitely isn’t thinking about Dan pressing their hips and crotches together. Or the feeling of their tongues tangling together. “Uuhhhh.” Again, Phil says eloquently.

Dan pushes at Phil’s shoulder, extracting him from Dan’s neck. Phil expects to see a mocking light in Dan’s eye, but he’s surprisingly serious. Happy, but completely serious. There’s silence in the room, and Phil suddenly notices the ticking of a clock that he hasn’t noticed before this moment. Dan’s tongue flicks out to lick his slightly chapped lips and Phil can’t help but follow them movement. “It was good strange. Good strange like this Christmas.” Phil says hoarsely, unable to keep certain ponderings out of his head, like: What does Dan’s tongue taste like when it isn’t soaked in alcohol? 

Dan’s eyes study him, but Phil doesn’t shy away from them. Sometimes, during moments like this, Phil gets the feeling that they’re having a silent conversation. He’ll catch Dan’s eye at a YouTuber party and they’ll exchange wordless communication about how much they’d rather be at home. Or they’ll make eye contact when they’re on stage at some event and silently reassure each other:  _ Don’t worry, that was really funny. No, you don’t sound awkward; that’s just the microphone. We’re almost done, and then we can sit on the internet forever. _ Right now, they’re talking to each other with their eyes. Phil isn’t exactly sure what’s being said, but if he were to guess, it would be something about whether or not they should make this even stranger. 

Phil’s guess must be correct, because then Dan’s snaking his arm under Phil’s head, tipping his head back, and whispering: “may I kiss you?”

Phil can’t do anything but nod, he’s so breathless with tension. Dan leans forward the final few centimeters, slotting their lips together. Phil positively melts. Dan’s lips aren’t soft, because he can never remember to consistently use chapstick and is constantly licking his lips. Phil’s stubble is growing in, because he skipped shaving yesterday (he’s on vacation!). They both have terrible morning breath. Despite these imperfections, it’s one of the best kisses Phil has ever had. Dan’s hand is warm against the back of Phil’s neck, making goosebumps rise to the surface of Phil’s pale skin. The kiss is slow and sleepy. Dan’s tongue is wet, insistent, and wonderfully devoid of the sharp taste of alcohol. Phil cups Dan’s cheek and they kiss like that for several minutes.  

They kiss like that until Dan starts to lose feeling in his left arm, where he’s leaning all his weight and where Phil’s head rests. Without detaching his lips from Phil’s he slides his arm out from under Phil, and rolls his body so it’s pressing Phil into the mattress. He braces himself with his knees on one side of Phil’s body, and his left elbow beside Phil’s head. It’s a lot more comfortable. What he doesn’t expect is for the new position to shift the feeling of the kiss. 

But now that Dan is more or less on top of Phil, it feels less like a sleepy Dan and Phil making out against their better judgement, and more like a sexually-charged, conscious  _ choice _ . Phil opens his mouth wider, Dan plunges his tongue in deeper, and Phil grips Dan’s naked waist. The room fills with the wet sounds of their kissing, and both fight off thoughts creeping in, wanting to complicate the situation.

Dan slides one knee onto the other side of Phil’s body, and that’s when the final dam breaks. Phil lets a tiny little growl escape the back of his throat, slides his hands to Dan’s hips, and pulls them down into his own hips. Their mouths separate with a slick sound and they groan at the feeling of grinding together. Dan drops his forehead to Phil’s, “Fuck, Phil. What are we doing?”

Phil grinds his hips up again, already addicted to the pressure. “Getting to third base?” Phil suggests cheekily. 

Dan groans again, sounding more fed up with Phil than desperate with want. “You’re a fucker. You know that?” In retaliation, Dan sits up further Phil’s body, so his ass is pressing against the bulge of Phil’s pj pants. He gyrates his hips achingly slowly.

“Oohh, I hate you.” Phil lifts himself off the bed and grabs the back of Dan’s head, crashing their mouths together. They’ll talk about this later. He’ll worry about it when Dan  _ isn’t  _ making such delicious sounds into his mouth. Phil is just thinking about his next move, wondering if his hand could shove into Dan’s pajama pants as this angle, when there’s a knock at the door.

Dan and Phil spring apart like they’ve been caught doing something naughty. Dan rolls onto the other side of the bed and Phil can hear the clatter of him picking up his phone from off the nightstand. Phil assumes that Dan is pretending to do something on it. Phil would laugh at Dan’s poor attempt at “acting natural,” if their ill-advised morning sex hadn’t just gotten interrupted. Phil just lays there, takes a deep breath that does nothing to stop his shaking, and says “Come in!”

The door cracks open and Kath peeks in. Phil can’t see her clearly, but recognizes her voice. “Morning boys. Phil, I was so surprised that you didn’t shake me awake at 6:00 AM this morning, that I had to come check to see if you were still alive.” Phil chuckles weakly. “Anyway, everyone’s awake and downstairs. Come down so we can start Dan’s first Lester Christmas!” Kath doesn’t wait for an answer, shutting the door on her final statement. 

The silence she leaves behind is deafening. Now that their brains are not longer hazy with sleepiness and hormones, the reality of what they just did kind of dawns on the both of them.

Dan clears his throat. “So, uh, shall we?” Phil looks over to Dan. He’s far enough away that his face is blurry, but Phil knows Dan well enough that he can guess what kind of expression on Dan’s face. Phil can imagine the doubt and embarrassment that must mar Dan’s features. 

They could probably pretend this didn’t happen. They could pretend that they were delirious with sleep or let the Christmas festivity get to them. Or, they could pretend they got carried away with a little method acting for the dating performance. Phil let’s himself imagine them going downstairs, opening presents and pretending to date, and then returning to normal once they got back home. They wouldn’t kiss anymore. They wouldn’t share a bed. They definitely wouldn’t grind against each other in the early morning.

Phil decides  _ fuck that _ , reaches over, pulls Dan to him, and kisses him again. Dan is only frozen for a moment, before he’s returning the kiss with fervor. Phil pulls back, and says, “Let’s stop being clueless, shall we?”

Every ounce of fear and insecurity melts off of Dan and he releases his tense shoulders. Dan smiles, Martyn’s words from Saturday (and, god, was it only two days ago that this fuckery began?) echoing in his head:  _ Eight years of flirting is pretty clueless, mate _ . Dan ducks forward and kisses Phil again. He loves that he can do that from now on. 

He is slowly realizing that Phil has always been the one he wanted to be with. The drunken kisses weren’t Dan and Phil blindly looking for any warm body to fulfil some random, lust-filled want. The years of celibacy and singleness between the two of them weren’t just because they were busy with work. The years of affection, cuddling, and friend dates weren’t just because they shared an intense, uncommon friendship. And the shared life? Dan kind of wants to roll his eyes at how dumb they’ve both been. Instead, he just replies, “yeah, let’s stop being clueless.”

Downstairs, no one notices the change between Dan and Phil, because of  _ course _ they don’t. They don’t notice how much closer they sit together on the sectional, how much gigglier they are, and how many more kisses they press to each other’s cheeks, hands, and mouths. The Lesters don’t notice that Dan doesn’t blush and hesitate before kissing Phil under the mistletoe when Kath points up. No one notices the change, because Dan and Phil have always been a packaged deal, too touchy for their own good. The only difference is that now Dan and Phil are in on the common knowledge.

They don’t go back to their old normal when they get back to London. They have a new normal that involves kisses, actual dates, romantic gestures, unironic pet names, and eight years worth of sex to catch up on. 

 

***

 

A couple of months after Christmas, right before Valentine’s Day, the postman delivers a letter from Kath, addressed to the both of them. Dan, awake before Phil, shrugs, tears it open, and takes out the contents. There’s a little note from Kath in her cute rounded handwriting, wishing them a happy first Valentine’s Day together. Underneath the note there are two photographs. The first one is the picture Kath took of them in her kitchen, covered in flour and kissing. Dan runs his eyes over the blush on Phil’s cheeks and the embarrassed smile curving his own mouth; he can’t decide whether to cringe or smile. Dan places that photograph on the kitchen counter and looks at the last one in the envelope. 

His heartbeat thrums. Kath must have sneakily taken their picture without them knowing. Dan studies it for a long moment, a slow smile spreading across his face. He bounds down the hallway into his (their) bedroom, where Phil is still asleep under the huge, white duvet. 

Dan has a half-empty frame on his nightstand. One half of the frame has a picture of him and Phil from their trip to the S. E. A. Aquarium in Singapore. Dan always liked it for some reason. Maybe because it’s a relaxed, candid photo of the two of them, which is a novelty. Neither of them are making silly faces or posing with peace signs. They didn’t take it for their viewers, although Phil ended up sneaking it in a series of photos on instagram. It shows how happy together they’ve always been, even when their heads were stuck so far up their asses that they couldn’t see what was right in front of them. Dan grins, popping open the other side of the frame to fit the photo that Kath sent along. It’s the perfect addition.

Dan stands back, admiring his work. He looks at Phil; only a tiny bit of his hair is visible underneath the blanket, and he’s snoring pretty loudly. Dan feels like his heart might burst with the love he feels for Phil in that moment. He decides that even his therapist will understand a lie-in on a day like today, and slides under the covers next to Phil’s sleepy warmth. 

Phil stirs, grunts happily, and pushes back into Dan. Dan encircles his arms around Phil’s body and stares at the two pictures on his nightstand. One, a picture when they were clueless friends, bathed in blue and smiling softly for no one but themselves. The other, a picture when they were clueless fake lovers, framed by the winter sea and facing each other with pure adoration in their eyes. Dan eyes trace over their hands clasped together and the fond looks plastered on both their faces. Kath happened to capture a truly sacred moment between the two of them.

As Dan’s eyes drift close and he pets the silky skin of Phil’s stomach, he wonders how everyone knew but them.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me on tumblr: phantasizeit


End file.
